Useless Kneeling: A Pompous President With a Big Mouth and a Reactionary People Full of Feelings

Last weekend, we were treated to a bunch of kneeling by NFL players during the national anthem.  The Steelers didn’t even come out on the field because they could not decide what to do as a team.  Unsurprisingly, this caused a lot of division (what else is new these days?); stadiums across the country booed the players, and social media exploded with people denouncing the players as unpatriotic or defending them as brave people taking a stand (figuratively speaking).  For people who just want to watch sports without having people trying to shove their political ideologies down their throat, the whole thing was only worthy of eye-rolling and annoyance.

As you may remember, the kneeling started with former San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick, who, despite having a few productive years for the 49ers, only became a household name because of his kneeling stunt.  He said he was protesting systemic racism among police against blacks.  While he got a lot of publicity, there really was no movement started, so although the media kept the narrative alive because they claimed he was blacklisted by the NFL due to this, most of the country didn’t care that much.  Why?  Because he’s just a guy playing with a ball (and he’s not even that good anymore), and given his interviews, he’s also not particularly great at forming coherent arguments.

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Calvinists Dismiss Supervillain’s Threat to Take Over the “Whole World”

Phoenix, AZ: Victor Spades, a multibillionaire businessman, claims to have developed new destructive technology that will allow him to rule the earth.  Calling himself the awful name, “The Ace,” Spades believes he is a real life supervillain who now has weapons that outclass any military’s by many orders of magnitude.  Appearing on both social media and TV, The Ace proclaimed that he would destroy entire governments and take over the “whole world” with the power of his inventions.  These new weapons have been confirmed to be effective.

The reality of a new overlord brought panic and consternation across the globe, but a certain subset of Christians, Calvinists, openly questioned Spades’ meaning of “world.”  JD Johnson, a Reformed pastor, spoke out, “As you know, ‘world’ can mean anything, really.  Many think it must mean every single person on the planet, but that’s just silly.  The Ace definitely means he has a certain individuals in mind that are scattered around the nations, such that someone from every tribe and every tongue will be under his rule but not everyone.  This makes more sense because otherwise Mr. Spades loses the freedom to choose a select few, which he of course would want for himself.”

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