A New and Improved Way to Present Personality Profiles: Informed by My Feelings

I recently took a legit online personality quiz, and unsurprisingly, I was tagged as a strong extrovert and very feelings-based (100% feeling, actually).  Those who know me well will readily agree with such results; even if they do not, I know they are wrong because that’s the way I feel.  I will judge them as unworthy to be my friends and hold a grudge, but eventually, I will forgive them when they show proper remorse because I will be lonely and want to receive much deserved attention.

Though these results were dead-on accurate, it sort of offends my feelings that some people think they have the right to categorize people in their way.  Who the heck are Myers and Briggs anyway?  Sounds like some bloodsucking insurance company.  Also, the guy whose theories they based their types on, Carl Gustav Jung, is a fishy character because he’s white but has a Korean last name, making him sound like some sort of half-Korean half-Russian Mafia leader.  Who trusts these people?  My feelings sure don’t.  I even asked my feelings if I should recommend such a study, even if that study got me right:

“Feelings, how do you feel about Myers-Briggs?”

“>:o”

“I feel the same way because, you know… you’re my feelings.”

“:)”

Thus, I have decided to supplement the Myers-Briggs categorizations with my own explanations, based off my extensive experience and how I feel about people.  You can be assured that these will correlate very well with reality because my feelings always do.

A Useful Supplement to Personality Profiles

For every classical label, I have included a new, supplementary label for clarity in parentheses.  Enjoy.

1.  Social Interaction

Extrovert (Needy): These people need social interaction to feel like they have a purpose.  They want to make people feel welcome, but only so that they will receive attention in return, making them inherently selfish.  They often bother people who want to be left alone with their chatty presence, selfishly imposing their needy feelings on others.  When other people don’t talk to them, they get all sad and crap because for some dumb reason they take this personally.  They are leeches, wanting to suck the energy from others because they’re so bored of their own existence that they can’t stand to be by themselves.

-Introvert (Chill): These individuals are fine in most situations.  Leave them alone?  Cool.  Talk to them a little (but only a little)?  Aight.  Staying home for the weekend?  Sweet.  Dinner with a group of friends?  Sure, whatever.  They are self-sufficient and therefore do not need the prattling of other human beings to feel worth anything.  What will annoy them, however, are very needy people who desperately crave attention under the pretense of being nice to other people.  Note: There are many people who claim to be chill, but they are still passive-aggressively needy because when they isolate themselves they become embittered that nobody is paying attention to them, which is as needy as they come.  You ain’t chill, dawg.

not chill

2.  Information Processing

-Sensing (Sensitive): Sensitive people are thin-skinned weenies who processes the world with himself or herself as the center, trusting only their five senses since they are incapable of abstract reasoning.  They are easily offended over nothing.

-Intuition (Boss): This cool cat perceives the world as it is and can easily see underlying principles because he watches a lot of football; after all, he is well-practiced in seeing how individual units play on the field and relating that to the whole (real football, not soccer, btw).  Unlike the above, he has thick-skin and does not easily take offense over senseless things.

sensitive

3.  Judgment

 -Feelings (Wuss): The Wuss makes judgments and decisions based on his feelings and for his feelings.  Even when a more logical judgment is explained to them and for which they have no answer, they will persist in their emotional craziness because their feelings assure them that they’re right.  Also, they are convinced that their emotions are more important than anyone else’s, so even if others feel contrary to how they feel, they remain absolutely correct in all things.  When someone tells them that their feelings are stupid, they lash out in a rage and harbor grudges for long periods of time.

-Thinking (Gangsta): This person makes sound judgments by relating everything back to football and logic.  He is therefore highly analytic and likes other analytic things such as Starcraft and Street Fighter.  He actually thinks about stuff before he says and does it, which is a novel concept, and thus he strolls down the neighborhood not caring what other people think with their stupid feelings.

4.  Lifestyle

The lifestyle classifications simply have to do with what function you prefer above, either perceiving or judging, so there is no need to create new labels for these.  However, it is worth pointing out that it is more important how this one correlates with the above ones.  For example, if someone is a judge and their judgment is based on their feelings, then it is better to call their lifestyle, “Sucks at judging.”

Conclusion

As a very emotional and sensitive person, it is no wonder that I came out very strongly as an needy, sensitive, and feeling dude who has my perceptions colored by my emotions.  I am proud of who I am, and as an extrovert, I am entitled to everyone’s time and energy.  You should keep that in mind as you plan for my surprise birthday party, my surprise party for finding out my Myers-Briggs profile, my surprise party for thinking of a surprise party, and my surprise party for existing.  I will be waiting for it, and if it does not happen, I will know that you don’t care about me and should be ashamed of yourself.

Based on the above, what profile are you? 😉

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