Recently, in the car with some Asian folks, someone brought up the well-known and oft-repeated idea that Asian men and African-American women are considered the least desirable to date. This is something, mind you, that many people claim they hear in sociology classes that use marriage and/or dating statistics to support this conclusion. Personally, I have never examined the methodology and arguments associated with this idea, but
even though sociology is often a bogus discipline with questionable methods and crappy logic because sociology is so cool, we’ll just take their word for it.
Since I am not an African American female, I cannot speak for them so I will pass that by. However, I am an Asian male, so how do I explain why people of my kind are not liked? I mean, aren’t Jet Li and Jackie Chan certified bad-A’s? Remember when Bruce Lee thrashed Kareem Abdul Jabbar in a movie? Asian guys can’t be that bad.
So what’s the deal? I think I know why: Girls are intimidated by the intellectual and dextrous superiority of Asian males, so they go seek lesser brutes that are taller, jump higher, lift more, and throw a football farther. Here are some areas that make girls feel too insecure about themselves:
1. Asian males dominate girls in video gaming.
Girls are competitive creatures, contrary to what they often pretend, and every once in a while they want to feel like they can win at something. Against other idiot boys, they can maybe win at Monopoly or other lame games. Against Asian guys in our arena, they got no chance. I’ve played girls at Starcraft before, and it was the equivalent of running over a bunny rabbit with a mack truck. One time a girl played with us and I toyed with her so badly that I rushed straight to Ultralisks, without building anything else, and then ran over her base while her useless mutalisks watched. FACE! If you don’t know what that means, it is further confirmation that you are not Asian and not cool.
I have also played girls at Street Fighter and other fighting games. Normally, they pick a girl character, like Chun-Li, to pretend that they’re actually as athletic and attractive as she is, and then mash buttons, only to eat multiple dragon punches that beat down their girl pride.
Facepalm. Almost as bad as girls driving.
No wonder they run from us. We rank higher on Starcraft ladders, our RPG characters have better items, and we can defeat Super Mario faster than they can. Noobs.
2. Asian guys cook better than girls.
In other cultures, women are often well known for their cooking prowess: the Italian mom, the fat Southern wife, the Jewish mom, etc. This has often been true of Asian cultures as well, but these days, Asian males have developed better cooking skills as women worry too much about how fat they are and focos on stupid crap like salad and low-fat ice cream. Thus, girls are scared about cooking for a boyfriend who will critique their food from a higher level than they are at.
(Girl brings her horrible dish filled with green stuff and mushrooms)
Asian guy: “Um, what the heck is this?”
Girl: “It’s… it’s for you.”
Asian guy: “That surely isn’t for me. I mean, if it was for me, it wouldn’t look like a pile of steamed elephant pooh boiled in urine. Since it does look like that, it can’t be for me, right?
Girl: “Uh… I tried really hard…”
Asian guy: “I don’t have to try hard to make something better than this.” (dumps contents of dish over girl’s head) “Try again, noob.”
I’m sure it’s intimidating, indeed.
3. Asian guys are smart with money.
With other types of dudes, girls can get away with “fuzzy math.” For instance, they might grab something from the store and beg their boyfriend to buy it for them with something like, “It’s so cute on me! It’s only like… $50. But if I wear it twenty times, that’s like… fifty cents per use! Pleeease buy it for me!” A white dude might shrug and be like, “I guess that makes sense” and give in. An Asian dude would have none of that:
“What?! If you wear it twenty times, that makes it $2.50 per use, idiot. And that’s not even considering the fact that it will be taxed, that it’s value will depreciate everytime you wear it, and the fact that you really overestimate how good it looks on you. That’s just not worth it when I can use that $50 to buy Starcraft 2: Heart of the Swarm when it comes out. We can just play that together, and then the $50 is useful for both of us.”
“But I always lose to you…”
“That sounds like a personal problem. Put that back.”
Girls, who have gold-digging built into their DNA, are afraid of this trait. Asian guys will not shower them with gifts that are overpriced and largely useless.
4. Asian males are skinnier than girls.
Girls worry a lot about their body mass, although they behave in extraordinarily contradictory ways. They diet… but don’t exercise. They order a diet coke but then eat fries and a burger. They order a salad but then drench it in some sort of greasy, disgusting dressing. They eat yogurt but dump a bunch of chocolate sprinkles on it. After this bizarre self-abuse, they step on a scale and howl their distress, as if that’s supposed to be surprising.
Asian guys, in contrast, just eat whatever they darn want and then metabolize it by being awesome. Last night, I ate Korean BBQ + cake + a large ice cream from Marble Slab. I went to sleep when I got home and all that turned into energy that I used to be cooler. For girls, that turns into arm fat. Somehow, girls blame Asian guys for this and this bitterness and insecurity leads them to avoid Asian guys in relationships. It’s not exactly rational, but it’s true.
5. Asian guys only talk about things that matter.
Girls talk about a shockingly large number of weird and uninteresting things: Their clothes, their weight, their girlfriends’ personal lives, celebrities’ personal lives, what other people are wearing, figure skating, etc. Other types of guys, in their effort to please girls or perhaps even because they are interested in such stupid stuff themselves, will readily join in such conversations. Asian guys, however, merely give looks like this:
Instead, Asian guys talk about relevant matters, such as desirable balance changes in Starcraft, the new video card they placed in their computer, the upcoming comic con, and whether or not Goku would defeat Superman in a fight (answer: obviously Goku, because although he is an alien, he is a Japanaese alien.) If girls aren’t talking about this stuff, they aren’t getting conversation; they are rewarded for their senseless blabber with apathetic and emotionally distant silence, coupled with some annoyed, “Are you really still talking?” facial expressions. Because they like to talk… a lot, this makes them scared of Asian guys. It’s too bad, really.
What Can Change
As we can see, on the one hand, none of this is Asian guys’ fault; don’t blame us for being intimidatingly cool and knowledgeable about high intellectual matters such as video games and anime. Thus, girls in many ways just need to care about the right things and become wiser, and if that happens, Asian guys will not be on the bottom of the totem pole. However, Asian guys can help a little by being more affirming; when you thrash a girl in League of Legends, there is no need to gloat. Compliment her for whatever improvement she has made, even if it is miniscule. Girls are already scared of our prowess, so there is no need to make it worse by needless trash talking. You may even let her get close to winning sometimes (though don’t let her actually win because then that will create wild fantasies in her head).
Sometimes, being too good is not desirable. It is the blessing and the curse of being an Asian male.