Movie Reviews: Fast and Furious Five, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and Harry Potter

Well, school starts tomorrow… so why not an important post about random movies I’ve recently watched.

Fast and Furious Five:  Perhaps the best one out of the series, which isn’t saying much because 2 Fast 2 Furious and Tokyo Drift were horrendous and the other two were just okay.  Vin Diesel is visibly old and only his arms look buff now.  The plot was predictably ridiculous and even borrowed elements of the Ocean’s series in it, with all their big planning for making a high stakes robbery and assembling a team of “experts.”  Of course, they never bother to do a stealth robbery and result to attacking a police station head on and dragging away a ten ton vault with two cars.  Yep, you read that right.  I’m not a physics expert, but something about two sports cars pulling a ten ton weight like that with steel cables seems unwieldy and certainly should prevent them from out-driving police vehicles and using such a vault as a weapon in a car chase.  The whole last car chase scene was completely absurd, but you can’t have a Fast and Furious movie without an absurd car scene.

The acting was not very good, obviously.  The Rock gave some entertainment value but Vin Diesel is a robot and Paul Walker is just whatever.  For fans of the movies, they will like that most of the major characters return for this one, including Ludacris and Tyrese.  The good thing is that the past two movies seem to be largely ignoring the events in Tokyo Drift, only bringing back the Korean dude’s character, because that movie was laughably bad.

For God knows what reason, it is obvious they want to do a sixth film for the franchise after hinting that Michelle Rodriguez’s character is still alive in a bonus scene after some credits.  Shrug.  It is cheap entertainment if you want mindless action.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon:  Michael Bay seems to think mindless and rapid-fire dialogue, stupid and witless humor, a crappy plot, and an excruciatingly long duration is what we want to see.  After Revenge of the Fallen got ripped to shreds by critics, I guess he didn’t learn his lesson that that’s NOT want we want.

Look, in a summer movie type of way, it’s an entertaining film for the sole reason that the visuals are impressive and you get to see giant robots duke it out again.  Other than that, the movie is pretty much retarded.  The acting is mostly crappy and the main character’s spastic antics weren’t endearing in the first movie and have gotten downright tiresome by the third.  Megan Fox is not a beacon of great acting, but she was far less annoying than the new British girl they got (and quite a bit better looking, I might add).  The plot is very similar to the last movie (bad guy robot is revived and causes trouble) for some odd reason, and it’s simplistic and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.  Let’s see, ground forces do more damage than the U.S. Air Force’s best attempts at air attacks until the tomahawk missiles come in.  Uh huh.  And of course, the rest of the world is apparently sitting on their behinds as a small contingent of the American military attempts to save the world in Chicago outnumbered by giant robots.  Sigh.

Megatron went from the big bad guy in the first movie (which he should be) to a wimp in the second and third movies.  In this last movie, he is a complete joke, hiding like a wuss in the beginning, cowering before Sentinel Prime, and then at the end getting wrecked by a one-armed Optimus Prime.  Bay is a bonehead; instead of building upon the rivalry between Megatron and Optimus Prime, he tries to create new super antagonists in the last two movies nobody really cares about. I mean, what important thing does Megatron even do in this movie?  Backstab Sentinel Prime and inadvertently save Optimus?  Oooo, irony, right?  Or just sad that the Transformers’ franchise’s most recognizable bad guy was reduced to such a role.

If Bay was going to have such a silly story, he should have just went all out and made 80% of the movie about the actual Transfomers.  Nobody gives a rip about Witwicky’s little whining spells, his dumb girlfriend, his annoying parents, etc.  It is incredible how uninteresting all the human characters are.  Leonard Nimoy gave Sentinel Prime some personality and Optimus was his noble self (though surprisingly, he’s gleefully violent at times in this movie), which makes it sad that the robots are more interesting characters than the actual actors.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2:  It was entertaining but not epic in the least.  I walked away from the movie without a sense of sadness that the movies have come to an end or a sense of “Wow, I’ll remember that!”  It was just good.  I’m sorry Harry Potter fans (and yes, I’ve read every single book), the movie series is just okay.  Lord of the Rings was much better.

Voldemort remains a completely unconvincing bad guy.  He looks like a clown and sounds like an emo wuss.  Ooo, I’m scared.  Hermione’s and Ron’s characters frankly have no romantic chemistry in the film, and they just kind of randomly threw in their kissing scene during an event not even depicted in the book (it is merely alluded to).  I was more inclined to laugh then be convinced that they are supposed to like each other.  The last battle was repetitive and the last fight with Voldemort was extremely anticlimactic.  And I’ll say for the hundredth time:  The casting for Dumbledore was a huge mistake.  That is NOT Dumbledore.

In the movie’s defense, the book is exceptionally long (which is why they split it into two movies) and the movie can’t capture everything, leading to something of a staccato type feel to the storytelling.  The visuals were still mostly good and the overall atmosphere captures the magic of Harry Potter well.  However, like I said, it was only a good movie, but an easily forgettable one.

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One thought on “Movie Reviews: Fast and Furious Five, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and Harry Potter

  1. FF: i loved the first films plot of street racing but what’s the next step for this franchise right? Being thieves…

    definitely true, even Danny and his buddies would laugh with these fellas for their antics! dangerous and full of thrills but not capacitated to be a blockbuster!

    TF-DOTM: what can i say its Michael “BOOM” Bay full of explosions with a conspiracy cover up to expand the plot. New chick, a little better acting from Shia and the same cast of (humans). Nauseous was the right word for this film!

    HP- DH 2: The best for 2011 so far, a culmination for the growing up Wizard has finally ended…

    nice read!

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